It's important to set the right tone, but don't over think it as that may stop you from doing or saying anything.

Helpful hints

Do's

• Do create a safe place to talk where you can avoid interruptions and give them the opportunity to explain the situation in their own words
• Ask how the individual is feeling and focus on the person. The needs of individuals may change over time so keeping an open dialogue is key
• Speak calmly, listen and encourage the individual to talk. If someone opens up to you about how they are feeling it can be difficult to know how to respond, but just listening can be very helpful. They might not be asking for advice, so don't rush to give your opinion. Some people process grief by telling their story over and over again. This can help with their healing so be patient
• Show compassion and empathy. It's better to do something than nothing – to acknowledge loss rather than ignore it. Sometimes it can be difficult for the individual to talk to family/friends as they may also be grieving, so having someone listen at work can be a great support
• Ask them how they would like to be supported/signpost support. Individuals may benefit from a written summary of conversations as an aide memoire, this may be as an email or notes rather than a formal document
• Supporting staff experiencing bereavement is emotional on the wider team and for the manager. Consider if you or the wider team require any additional support – speak to Human Resources or Occupational Health

Don'ts

• Don't be afraid of silence and don't try to unnecessarily fill the gaps. Try not to dominate the conversation and don't push them to talk if they don't want to
• Don't make this a one off conversation. Don't assume that because someone seems to be coping that they are or that they don't need your help
• Don't get offended if they reject your support. They may have a lot of people helping them already or they may prefer to take care of everything on their own. Respect their decision but be there for them if they change their mind
• Don't be embarrassed if they cry. Grief can be unpredictable and bereaved people might react in ways they can't anticipate. Remember that every emotion is normal. Likewise, don't be embarrassed if you cry, your conversation may stir up feelings of your own loss. However, it is important to remember that you are there to support them, so avoid taking over the conversation with your own story
• Don't forget their bereavement. A bereaved person often has lots of support in the first days and weeks of their loss, but this can fade away. Bereaved people can grieve for the rest of their lives and find it difficult to cope without their loved one for years after the death. The workplace can be one of the first places they feel that their grief has been forgotten
• Don't say you know how they feel. Even if you've been through something similar, it's unlikely you'll be able to understand exactly how they're feeling